Tuesday, July 3, 2012
(Don't worry - you're not experiencing de-ja-vu! This is a repost from the old blog I wanted to get up here)
Yesterday, one of my SPED students who has some behavior issues asked me if my son was "good." I told her I didn't know what she meant. "You know, is he good?" she asked, to which I responded, "Good at what?" The whole group was intently listening tot his conversation in a rare fasion, and they all had this look on their face like they couldn't believe I didn't understand what she was asking. They all knew what she meant - and I did too, but I like to make them think!
I went on to explain that I don’t believe any children are “bad” – behaviors and choices can be bad, but children are not bad. Much to my delight, they all got that “lightbulb look” that keeps teachers going when the going gets tough. Even better, a glowing smile came across the face of the questioning student, as if to not only understand, but be relieved to know... “I’m not
There’s a T-shirt that says: “I’m the wretch that song talks about.” I’d wear that shirt, but it would embarrass my husband (so I’ll just write about it here J). The remarkable thing about it, is that even when I was so very lost, when I was blind to my own very bad choices and behaviors, God still saw me as beautiful. I wish I knew that then, because I probably wouldn’t have made so many and such poor choices if I believed that God saw me as beautiful. I was doing ugly things, and I felt ugly.
At some point near my 30th birthday, God broke through the layers of callous I’d built around my heavy heart so that I could understand that I am not bad or ugly, but that I am, in fact, beautiful! He made me that way, and therefore I could accept the grace He has extended to me. Grace. What a powerful concept!
Knowing this makes it understandable that the song “Beautiful Things” has a lot of meaning to me. But recently, that song has become even more powerful. I can’t listen to it, or sing it, without tears. Not for myself, but for our princess, and really, for all orphans. Please take a moment to click here to listen to the song and read the lyrics: http://youtu.be/nJ4yNYY1hHM
The song begins: All this pain, I wonder if I’ll ever find my way, I wonder if my life could really change at all.
I can’t read, listen to, or sing those lyrics without thinking of our sweet, sweet girl as she is right now - laying in a hospital bed for the vast majority of these nice days (their weather has been similar to ours recently), both legs in casts, with only one occasional visitor (soooo thankful for Anna!). She’ll be in that state for approximately 2 months.
She doesn’t know we’re coming for her yet. I know she wonders if her life will change - if she is worthy of a Mommy and Daddy coming for her, what it would even be like to have a family and a home, and if she’ll ever have relief from her physical pain.
My sweet, precious girl, we are coming for you. We are trying as fast as we can to come take you out of the chaos you know as your life. You are beautiful! Please have hope – God is making you new even though you don’t know it! Jesus was sent to heal our broken hearts and set us free. He did it for me, and for you too!
Until we can go get our baby girl, we are going to continue to work like it’s up to us. Please join us in praying because we know it’s up to God.
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